The Problem with Stoicism: Why Power Over Your Mind is Sometimes Impossible

I enjoy summer as much as the next person, as long as the temperature stays below 25*. Above that, I wilt. I feel a scrabbling to rid myself of my own skin, a claustrophobic allergy to the sluggishness the heat brings. I do not thrive. And for a while on day one of a heatwave, I try to carry on as normal. Just as productive, just as active. Until I collapse in a sweaty heap and question reality.

And what if you’re dealing with a heatwave as well as a kid having a meltdown? Or your PMS has suddenly increased tenfold and you no longer know what happiness feels like? Or you’re grieving, burning out, or hugely sleep-deprived as well as dealing with heat exhaustion?

Hello chaos. And when some Stoic-pushing frat-bro on a podcast somewhere tells us to accept and embrace, we likely want to punch a wall. 

Of course, the best way to deal with a heatwave when we’re allergic to it is to accept it, embrace it, and alter our schedule to meet it. But when all chips are down, when life is exploding around us and we’ve no idea which way is up, Stoicism can feel slightly lacking.

Stoicism, simply, is the ancient philosophy that tells us to accept the situation we find ourselves in, and realise that all we have control over are our thoughts and actions. It’s a powerful and enduring philosophy for a reason: it works. It offers us agency and power, whatever our situation (and can help reduce overthinking). The problem arises when we lay it side by side with neuroscience, nervous system science, and women’s health. Or when it’s touted by aforementioned podcast bros as a way to seem intellectual when really it’s a cover for a desperate lack of emotional ability. It comes up short. 

Marcus Aurelius, a granddaddy of Stoicism, wrote: "You have power over your mind—not outside events.” But what if your nervous system, hormones, trauma patterns, or tolerance window is dramatically reducing access to that power? What if you just cried at an advert for door mats and have an intense craving for spicy Cheetos? 

"Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views they take of them.” Epictetus, another Stoic powerhouse. Again, it’s true, but we’re also disturbed by our levels of cortisol, progesterone withdrawal, inflammation, sleep deprivation, trauma, blood sugar levels, and a dozen other physiological processes that twist our melon before conscious thought even begins.

The modern Stoic writer, Ryan Holiday, tells you to make sure that “your mind is in charge, not your emotions, not your immediate physical sensations, not your surging hormones”. I wonder if, after experiencing something like pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder, chronic pain, acute trauma, or a screaming toddler, he’d happily sit with that statement?

Perhaps the Stoics would argue they never told this power over our mind thing was easy. But Stoicism doesn’t provide us with much to show us why it becomes almost impossible at times. They simply didn’t have the insight back then.

But today, we do. Sometimes our emotions, physicality, and ‘surging hormones’ really do take charge. So perhaps a modern, inclusive Stoicism can take Aurelius’ power over our mind and add the realisation that sometimes our power isn’t there at all. And in those situations, we should accept that the power will come back later, then have a nice sit down, a good biscuit, and watch something daft on telly. 

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